is this real chat?

these are just some notes

october 5th

well i remembered i have a website too

ahem its been a while i know im doing well mentally now a lot better than i did this summer. also currently working on this new (web)app im calling priors, its not too shabby honestly

i miss playing video games man

also ive been quite lazy since summer like im getting some work done quickly and then just lazing around next few days doing random stuff or watching random stuff but like its not complete waste of time but i should definitely use it better

• i have a plan for it and it should work out

• man ive a lot of things to learn aaaaa also have get my fundamentals right too

btw ive this stupid habit of just day dreaming and fantasizing things about my life for hours like im just sitting and thinking literally. sure it helps me have a clear mind about what i want and also sometimes retrospecting helps me figure out a lot about myself its good but i seriously need to get better at my craft

RE design

so annoying but i should take things slowly
i can do it

fuck i also need to redesign this site i dont like this font aaaaaa

i figured it out

i have this weird anxiety about my future and what i should do with my life. its so bad that i barely enjoy anything. im so anxious all the time like to the point ifl i dont have anything to be happy about in my life

the worst thing it does to me is that i try to distract myself by doing random things to waste my time which makes me even more anxious and the cycle continues. at times im just looking for distractions to quell my anxiety? and these distractions eventually make me numb and i fall asleep.

so basically im sabotaging myself so much that i dont even feel slight happiness by being alive, and instead of getting better i get anxious over not putting enough efforts. but that is cus i have no fucking energy after being constantly stressed everyday.

but i’ve finally realized that im being dumb and its not that deep. im worried about a future that is yet to pass and im anxious about variables that i dont have any control over !!

what i need to do?

• stop worrying about the result and focus on actually putting all my efforts into doing the best i can
• and actually enjoy the things instead of just doing them for them for sake of doing them
• and i will be fine. what matters is i create things that im proud of and have fun while doing so
  • if i dont have fun whats the fucking point?

i will never be burdened beyond what i can bear. we have a very short life and we should try to live everyday to the fullest. this is a bit funny cus i used to think that is such a normie advise like what does it even mean but tbh its a great advice?

so yeah just have to prioritize what i want to work on and just do it
also surah duhaa is so so calming

im not dead yet

i’ve kinda been awol for a bit now it has not necessarily worked out for me as i would have wanted but whatever dwelling on stuff doesnt really help me.

i learned how computers work that was pretty cool and also been reading a lot about ml and generative models

much is to just improve my fundamentals. also trying to get more into reading, i read somewhere “you can only cook with whats in the fridge” which is very relevant to pretty much everything i do cus if my own mind is empty or over simulated from random things i cannot work on cool problems or find specific ones i wanna work on.

basically if u consume slop u will churn out slop

also i really wanna get good at writing so i can convey my thoughts much better and efficiently bit ironic cus i have not been using twitter for past week or two.

what i really want?

well honestly the goal is still to get a job so i will just work on projects, kinote is still somewhere so i will try to finish it as soon as i can.

• i also wanna work on gen ai (mostly vllm stuff)
• i was kinda learning how to use unreal and blender so will try to get back into it as well
• also ive to get better at writing scripts
  • automate everything

weekend log

for the past month its been really hard to get anything done because ive been traveling, not eating well and just being a little bitch. i should be done with kinote by now but im scared? or sometimes just being lazy and well then you know it kinda becomes hard to get back into it. llms do make it easier to get back into it cus they reduce the mental overhead needed

but the problem is im fatigued. physical fatigue doesnt bother me much and i should eat well, get some sunlight and get back into exercising to fix it but my mental fatigue prevents me from doing this on a regular basis. mental fatigue yes, i would say im pretty resilient but this information abundance and anxiety does hurt me a fair bit.

it took me a week of not doing anything to understand that i could just do my work without thinking about it and that i just needed some caffiene in my system to get me going. im kinda sensitive to caffeine even smthn as small as 20mg is enough for me to work for 8hrs straight. i do try to stay natty as much as i can but if i want to get rid of this mental fatigue i have found that i should take caffeine. so whenever im acting lazy i will just chug some coffee lol.

really though it is about showing up. thats honestly all it is, you just have to build fortitude through sheer endurance

GOING BACK HOME

see u soon murica!

learned hugo and updated the personal site, judah’s guide was big help

actually have a ton of bugs to fix in kinote but im being lazy

ARE WE BACK?

has anyone tried adding minimap to a canvas app? if not why? seems like a cool idea

-  got freehand drawing to work

-  also added a db. just have get auth setup

might honestly just use google(Oauth) i dont trust myslef with anyone’s data

i dont think we will ever be able to make a canvas based app have really good ux for mobile they will be good enough to work but smaller screen size is just terrible. useless devices fr

thursday log

did little bit reading about onnx, wasm, webgl. literally unbelievable tech

• read about webgpu and sokol later

• read about databases and auth this weekcd

 

 

29th april

i want to pivot to curation/collection app but idk how worth it is but i dont really see any other app other than arc doing it so i might just give it a try

transformerjs is just a wrapper

• kinda annoying sometimes but ye just deleting and reinstalling the module just works(best appraoch)

• i did get dev flow working for depthwise bg removal it was nice

curation app? huh. support for images, youtube videos, blog and tweets??

you have take into consideration how well this framework works with too many canvas elements. theres a reason yacine probably didnt implement save state feature yet, could it be that more canvas elements means a sligtly slower app? or lag? i did see lag when i pasted like 50 plus images at once. this is just for images, imagine allowing it for other elements and while having features like drawing and text. even dingboard lags with many images, has a buffer. is this the reason for dingboard c rewrite? do i actually have to write c code lmaoo?? i dont really care but is it worth it? hmm

what do i want? i want an internship and approval of my twitter mutuals. does rewriting in c get me that? probably. i mean i will probably pull it off too, its just a matter of time.

actually i will try to host this before i rewrite it in c so i can see for myself what possible issue there are.

holyshit theres so much work to do

IT IS SO OVER

michigan was nice but i actually got sick lmaoo but hey at least i can make memes

gus is me literally

25th april

dingclone progress is coming along smoothly but it doesnt have any core features yet

current workflow :

 > figure out how to implement the features while keeping it as simple as possible

 > beg claude to help me

tbf its mostly react so not too difficult but learning about state management and state machine is definitely worth it

OKAY IM ACTUALLY DOING IT

konva is actually fun ngl, good ez to read docs. i might be able to do most things with it

• ive able to ducttape the canvas surprisingly quickly
• standing on shoulders of giants is does work wonders huh

selection box is cool

HAHAAHHAHAHAHA

okay i might have just done something insane and idk how this will go forward

i tried konva and its actually v simple to use lmao. i wonder why yacine dropped it

shapes work by default, need to see how i can make it work with images

16th april

i tried figuring out how yacine did it and i think i got it but hes pivoting to c lol

• i think he first wrote it in konvajs and react then later wrote it webgl? and pixijs

insane that he does it all so well while having so much fun, goated tbh. he also has insane experience so ig that works for him

i should try making easel for windows cat.png

how hard could it be hmm

wednesday

dingboard kinda is like easel? i mean they are both canvas based so yea

actually ive tried curating stuff in dingboard but since it doesnt save sessions its kinda pointless

-  dingboard is awesome i didnt think of it before but i really like canvas based apps

-  thats explains why i like figma so much too. something about free movement in space ig

13th april

okay i was trying out arc(browser company) for windows and it was bad.

-  mfs shipped it after a year only for it to be shit ass

nonetheless i just found out arc has easel

i’ve definitely seen it before but didn’t realise it was easel. saw this video few mins ago holyshit it is incredible icl

maybe its not that big of a deal or and maybe it is?

• to me it is cus i care way too much about curating what i consume

 

10th april

i just realized i’m not comfortable with anything i do(work or play).

-  this is bad

-  i need to give myself time to get comfy with things its the only way i get better

honestly i need to just code more and think less

sunday, 7 april

i’ve come to this realization sometime ago that whenever i don’t do well at anything there’s only one reason.

• i have not been responsible

i need responsibility to do well, like it enables me being unemployed is not helping it tho lmao. i need an internship aaaaaaaaaaa

april 2nd

okay wow i suck balls at coding

• need to read more documentations fr and iterate more
• also im trying out supermaven, it is fast but idk how to use it well enough as of now